EPISODE TWO

Be a good converser… interesting, genuine and humble

You finally arrive to the event, meeting or interview with someone you are interested to meet. After the regular introductions what could you say to these people so they will take you seriously? Here are some pointers to start developing your conversation style. There are certain topics that are more sensitive than others so in a first meeting you need to be careful in order to give a good impression and open the door for a second meeting. Let’s start with some delicate themes:

Religion: in our society, diversity is now found everywhere. Everybody will have a different creed or belies.  Try to avoid this topic but in case you have to give an opinion NEVER criticized other beliefs. Let’s say you are agnostic and your potential employer or client is a devoted Christian and you said that “God does not exist” or that “people who are very religious are crazy”.  Automatically you just shut down the deal. The perception will be that you are not diverse and cultural sensitive.

Politics: same as religion, everyone has different points of views and beliefs, It is better to avoid this topic even if the others expressed theirs. You are not there to initiate an argument.

Sports: from time to time you will find avid fans of a football or hockey team that defend their team no matter at what cost. Just avoid giving bold statements about any team.

Money: Back in 2000, I was having dinner with a co-worker whose family was pretty wealthy, her brother showed up and after the initial introductions he started to brag that if him and his dad close a deal with a potential client, he would be buying a new Camaro after he ruined his first in a car accident, he started to talk about the customized items on the car and the prices, then in an effort to change the conversation he kept talking about money at every turn. Isn’t that irritating? First impression, he was obsessed with the material world and had little to offer when it came to have a nice conversation. Avoid making money related statements, and also for high end brand such as “ I only buy LouisVuitton purses”.

Of course I also talk about not asking how much someone earns, or how much a product cost. I had a co-worker that kept asking people how much did every item she liked had cost the owner, she was very abrasive and annoying.

Health Issues: It is one thing to talk about the regular common cold but it is another to talk about kidney stones, tumors or plastic surgery. Try to keep this to yourself.

Sexual statements: I once worked with a guy that he was very open about his sex life. It came to a point where he asked me and another co-workers if we knew someone who we could introduce him to have a one-night stand as he had an urge. Totally inappropriate, yes.  Your private life should stay private.

Delicate, gross or inappropriate comments: Kept them to yourself! I learned this the hard way as I told my story about observing an Autopsy. When I was in high school, one of the Biology teachers arrange for us to visit a morgue and see an autopsy. If you were brave enough to do it and write a report we would have extra credits towards the final exam so I attended. I won’t explain the details here but one of my friends after the detailed recount she was horrified and said “you shouldn’t have told me that, you grossed me out” and indeed, you should have seen her face.

Now I know how to read people and know when to stop or change the topic when something is being uncomfortable to your listener. You will learn this through experience.

Being a good conversationalist is about having an expanded view of the world, learn about travel, science, the latest news, literature, etc. plus living in a diverse society you must learn about different cultures, languages and customs, you need to be interesting! But most importantly create your own differentiators, what is that you are good at, your own beliefs, your expertise, could be a cause, idea or skills. Have your own opinion.

Another tips you need to know to prevent failure when talking to someone:

1. Never use bad words or foul language. People are not always receptive to this, especially when it is your first encounter. Don’t try to be funny using this language, that is worse.
2. About the person’s looks, NEVER ASSUME. If a woman has a little belly don’t ask if she is pregnant, when is she due, moreover don’t rub her belly. What if it is just belly fat. Don’t mistake someone younger for the son/daughter of someone older, in these times of Demi Moore and Ashton, they might be the spouses.
3. When you are in a gathering don’t talk about anecdotes, experiences or events with your best friend if there are more people present. This is very rude as you are making the other people feel  unwelcomed to your conversation. If your friend is the one doing that change the topic or if it is something worthy of sharing turn to the other people and introduce the facts to them, get them involved.
4. Bold and definitive statements can be deemed offensive. For example saying “People who drink coffee adding cream or sugar are ignorant in how this should be drank”, “People who buy at the CheapStore are rednecks”, “Religious people are fanatics”, “People who watched X or Y are stupid”. Well, you don’t know if the people who you are talking to have these characteristics and you just insulted them by telling them ignorant, rednecks, fanatics or stupid.
5. When having a conversation don’t text or use your cell phone. We all know people could be multitasking but you must show respect to the people you are talking to. If it’s necessary you use your cell, excuse yourself and attend it.
6. If you know who you are going to meet try to research about this person so you have a more interesting conversation.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS, ANECDOTES OR FEEL FREE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS

Gaby lo dice

THE BEGINNING

Welcome to my blog! 

I decided to create this blog in order to offer direction, knowledge and advice in social encounters. Why? Because besides the classroom education aspect of someone’s skills and knowledge, manners and etiquette have equal value to advance in someone’s career.
Last week I attended an event where Business students networked with Marketing professionals. In general the event went fine. The keynote speaker, Bib Patel, gave the undergraduate students an excellent message on developing their future. Even I felt moved with his words. We all would’ve wanted to have this type of events or messages when we were 20 years old, moreover have the opportunity to meet experienced professionals to offer us feedback or advice. I didn’t have this, maybe others were lucky enough to have it. What I did have however, was the education that refers to how to conduct ourselves in a correct, polite and well manner. Yes, that one that your parents taught you (I hope), say please, thank you, etc… I have also learned so many other things either in books, social encounters and even TV. That has been very important in my career and I would like to share with you these practical and useful tips.

Every aspect of yourself: what you do, what you say, your reactions… everything says something about you and opens a window into your true self.

EPISODE ONE. Let’s start from the beginning!
Handshake- This shows your confidence believe it or not. Do you extend your whole hand, just the fingers? Do you want to remove it quickly? Are you sweaty, oily or sticky? When I was studying my undergraduate degree, one of my Management professors organized a card exchange for the Winter Holidays, everybody had to participate. At the end of the course, late December, we were all prepared with our cards, the professor sat at the back of the classroom and said that we all would take turns in the front to exchange cards with a handshake. Of course all of us were giggling and having fun but after 5 couples were on the front, the professor stood up and started to point out that we shouldn’t be joking, that as a future professional we needed to develop certain rectitude. We stop laughing as he pointed out all the mistakes. Remember:

• Always offer a firm handshake with the whole hand and look the person in the eyes, smile. Firm doesn’t mean try to break their bones! Especially men to women. Note: If you just give the fingers it just shows you as shy and lack of confidence. 
• If you have sweaty palms – it is normal if you are nervous. Try the sanitizing gel just right before entering a room or having an interview as the alcohol will dry them out. 
• Clean hands are a must. NO dirt in the fingernails. Cut your nails properly, both men and women. 

Voice- Speak at a normal volume and tone, shy people tend to mumble and speak very softly which is very difficult for the other person to hear. If you have this problem, practice on your mirror, or in everyday activities as ordering fast food or paying with the cashier. Speak articulating and at a good pace and volume.

Introduce yourself when meeting someone new.- Take the initiative. Hi my name is…. This is where you need to create your elevator pitch. Try a conversation starter. Ask about the common ground. How do you know the host? or about the event? etc.. I’m with author Jeanne Martinet on the fact that NEVER use “what do you do for a living?” for a conversation starter, it can be a dead end. What if the person has just lost their job, or if the job is something boring or unattractive to you, let’s say you meet a coroner who does autopsies for a living; you have a dead end as you will feel inclined to listen to talk about it, remember , you asked. First, develop rapport then you can move forward to career talk.

Stay tuned for EPISODE TWO next week